"normalized, trivialised, ignored, silence."

"Victim blaming and stigma,"

"Isolation and abandonment."

"self judgment or self blame."

paraphrase: wider search aware of victim blaming and negative judgements on innocence.

Lasting in the mind.

I feel like the magnitude of the suffering of God is something that words cannot even express. And my heart cannot take it to see or feel. Feels in my heart affliction and anxiety seeing someone else, worry or tortured or petrified.

I just want the customer service voice, kindness, humility. I'm tired of pretending. I want to be loved correctly. A love that doesn't hurt or insult. I feel shame in I can't even voice my experience to protect my family's feelings.

"I felt powerless." Wow...she said and felt the same as I had. That's the. effect the enemy wants to stop me but I can't be stopped.

Feels like the suffering is too much to handle. Too much to hold. He was sweating blood, and people weren't really praying for him. Seems like guilt isn't really the answer.

Paraphrase. God understands.

I also like knowing God understands me.

Hearing Mary Janes rage over her friend dehumanizing experience of molestation by her relative makes me feel consoled.

I do believe Lisa's suicide was romanticized with the pretty dress and pretty nails and naked body and glass of wine and her ex lover that was mary's boy finding her.

I wish a more responsible ending would be to find healing and non jealous love for both sisters.

I am worthy of love and respect as all my sisters are. I feel I should't hold anger. As I have in the past. Or jealousy. I also wish mary jane had an afro or braid out or her natural curls for representation since she's a beauty.

I sometimes don't know if I'll survive the aftermath of these visits with my cousin and his mom but I know even if I cannot survive not even going through assault just a loss of agency in my body, and staying up late til 2 or 3 trying to cope...I know God will help me. I know God heals us all. I just wish he wasn't an invisible person so I could be held and talk in confidence and not feel burdened by childhood memories.

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God, thank you for the healing that is coming my way.

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